Are you Afraid of Butterfly’s?

There’s a curtain humidity to the butterfly conservatory. It’s muggy, I can vividly recall the feeling of something slowly crawling up the back of my neck, when there was nothing there. I once visited a butterfly conservatory with my fourth-grade class. It was all very exciting. We weren’t in a classroom, we got to sit on a school bus, and we didn’t need to sit still.  Once we got inside it was buzzing excitement.  My classmates to enamoured by their surroundings failed to notice the horrifying reality laid out before us.

“what’s horrifying?”

“butterfly’s”

“butterfly’s are horrifying?”

“It’s the way they move.”

“but they’re so beautiful.”

“something can be beautiful and horrifying”

“like what?”

“like the ocean.”

I was petrified. I’ll never forgot being swarmed by those insects and watching as my classmates marvelled at their beauty. I left the butterfly’s after ten minutes of standing and laboured breathing, I walked into the gift shop and felt deeply confused and later embarrassed. Why weren’t they afraid? I remember wondering, and why was I? I had left the butterfly’s and my classmates, and I needed answers. So, I paced around the courtyard pondering.

“why would anyone be afraid of butterfly’s?”

“it’s hard to understand a fear unless you have it.”

I sat on the sidewalk and thought about the butterfly’s. I’m a nine-year-old girl I thought, I’m supposed to love butterfly’s. I could keep it a secret I thought, tell everyone I left because I was allergic, or I saw a spider. They’d probably believe me too.

“did you?”

“no.”

“why?”

“because I learned something.”

“what?”

“everyone’s afraid of butterfly’s.”

“I’m not.”

“you’re not afraid of anything? Anything that no one else is?”

“so, the butterfly is a metaphor?”

“the butterfly is a metaphor.”

‘are you afraid of butterfly’s? ‘a woman sitting close to me asked. I turned to look at the woman. She was sitting on an old bench, She was blond and held a purse that was black and torn. I nodded. ‘me too’ she said and smiled. ‘but my niece love’s them, so I bring her here every week.’

“Why would she do that?”

“I didn’t ask.”

“you must have an idea”

“I do.”

“then why!”

“because she loves her niece.”

“but she’s afraid of butterfly’s”

“and.”

“And why would she keep going back to the butterfly conservatory if she’s afraid of butterfly’s?”

“Everyone has their own butterfly’s, so you don’t let your fear of butterfly’s stop you. You just keep being afraid.”